Now I leave behind my past by taking a chance...

Mornings are the worst, when you wake up and realize that everything you've lost is reality and not some twisted dream you just woke up from. Wake up and smell the coffee. This is life.  

Well its been a long summer. Ive made some mistakes. Had a few relapses here and there but i'm learning better ways to avoid doing chemicals. I hardly have any friends that still use chemicals. I'm glad that I have a friend who is on methadone, her stories are motivation and inspiration for me to stop using for good. I'm just glad i still have my family and friends by my side.

With this summer I have made some friends and lost some.  Below is a little quote I thought of last night to describe some recent events in my life. A motivation towards a better future. I have everything going good for me and all the negative people in my life are gone. :D

"i walk forward with the hand the future gives, without a glance back at the past that walks away from me."

-corey green august 28 2007

 

 

Wow.. so after continuous working non stop for a few days I have accumulated some money to get some things cleared away, like paying for car insurance. I'm also giving my mother 200$ a month for the next 5 months, and then its all paid for. :D yay! I think I'm starting a new job in the kitchen on base, I was told I have the job I just need to wait on the details. I hate waiting. But anyways. 15.45$ an hour I think. And the pay is in the week opposite to the one i get now so now i'll get like paid every week!!!! :D :D :D Finally. I feel like I'm bragging but I don't mean too, I'm just excited positive things are happening in my life. Its new.

Coray

 

Well the weekend has gone by and now it is another week of work work work, then a weekend of anime and another week of work work work, and drive drive driving!!! :D :D :D

My weekend wasn't the greatest but it was still fun. I got my drink on after a long week of work. I didn't drink much Friday night but my head was killing me when I woke up on Saturday so I commenced the drinking process at like 1:30 pm and was buzzed/drunk all day. It was fucking great, I need to do that more often. Then Sunday I cleaned up the hotel room a little and then my mom picked me up and we went out to lunch and then to le grocery store.

Ugh, I worked all day today. I started at like 7 30 and worked until 3 30 and then went to D59 and worked until 5 for the contruction clean up i've been doing, and then I went to F6 to work a function until like 8 30. Oi vey. Tomorrow its work from 7 30 until 8 at night. Oi.

Corey 

Well another day completed at work. Pay day was today, all my bills are paid, even that nasty ambulance bill I stubbornly refused to pay 2 years ago. I think that officially makes me debt free. YAY. Put 300 dollars towards the car and car insurance. I'm working lots of hours this pay period doing extra cleaning so I can make more money. I don't get to have much of a life with all this working but it's going to make the future more prosper. I fucking love it, I'm letting this bird out of the cage. RAWR! Who knows with all this work im doing in my part time job I could get into kitchens making 15 something an hour. HOT!

Corey

So my birthday sucked. All my friends were working, or didn't get off until 11 at night. Then Daren had to go pick David up, pick his brother up and take him and his other brother home. Why he picked up David, I don't know. It's not like we were planning to go to the bar or anything. He didn't get back to the hotel until like 1230ish. So after me whinning for a bit we got to the bar around 1am. Danced around a little, was rather bored. Someone was there stinking the place up and Daren was blondly telling me this while the person was standing right beside me. HAHA. So we stayed up all night hanging out with James, Jere and David, and then Daren invited Peter over to hang out with him. Peter smoked all my weed and then spent all night alone in a room with David. What a waste of a night. My birthday always sucks. Someone always pisses me off.

One of the most important people in my life hasn't even fucking clued in that he hasnt said happy birthday or anything. No names mentioned. Maybe he will get the hint after he sniffs another line of coke. Bonne fete a moi. Pft.

Corey

 

Well, I don't really write much anymore, everytime I start to I just close the window. I'm 22 now, and my life has been on hold it seems for the last few years. I've done nothing to further myself in life, these walls I've surrounded myself with stand in the way. My life mainly consists of me working and then coming home and lazing around doing nothing but feel sorry for myself and wish it was the left side of the car that got struck two years ago, not the right. Will I ever get over this empty feeling I have? I feel like my heart's been broken into a million peices.

I have my friends who all have their own lives, all of us standing still in life but now it seems like all of us are about to encounter some life changing experiences. To others it might seem like nothing, but driving again is a big step for me. I have horrible anxiety when I'm in the passenger side of a car. I don't know if I'll be able to take the wheel, but I can't let this stupid anxiety control my life. That's my role. I want to be in charge of my life. I get paid a lot of money tomorrow. Hopefully most of it will go towards car insurance, i only have to pay like 2010 dollars a year, which is around 170 a month. Having my own car opens a world of possibilities for me. As I'm writting this all it's becoming more clear that I have to do this. I have to start living again. I can't be an anti social hermit who lives in their mothers basement for ever.

corayyy [ you lied to me but i'm older now, and i'm not buying baby.]    you'll never hurt me again says:
OMG i have so much anime to watch. i totally forgot about ouran high school host club and le noir!!!

Ledox - Stoopid day! End now! says:
outch

corayyy [ you lied to me but i'm older now, and i'm not buying baby.]    you'll never hurt me again says:
and i have all the sailor moon mangas :P and the episodes are downloading :P

Ledox - Stoopid day! End now! says:
ha ha

corayyy [ you lied to me but i'm older now, and i'm not buying baby.]    you'll never hurt me again says:
OMG i need to download the inuyasha mangas!!!

Ledox - Stoopid day! End now! says:
Jamie is looking for Sailor Moon on DVD

Ledox - Stoopid day! End now! says:
you're gonna download them?

corayyy [ you lied to me but i'm older now, and i'm not buying baby.]    you'll never hurt me again says:
i dont think its out on dvd. well some of it is but i think its only up to sailor moon s. cause its something i want :P

Ledox - Stoopid day! End now! says:
ah I see

Ledox - Stoopid day! End now! says:
the episodes are pretty much the same though

Ledox - Stoopid day! End now! says:
like...bam there's a monster...bam sailor moon attacks

Ledox - Stoopid day! End now! says:
or defends...which ever

corayyy [ you lied to me but i'm older now, and i'm not buying baby.]    you'll never hurt me again says:
there's story and plot!!!!

Ledox - Stoopid day! End now! says:
I know

Ledox - Stoopid day! End now! says:
but most of the episodes have the same structure

corayyy [ you lied to me but i'm older now, and i'm not buying baby.]    you'll never hurt me again says:
i cant believe you would say things like this to me daren. do you know what your talking about! sailor moon!!! SAILOR MOON!

Ledox - Stoopid day! End now! says:
:o

Ledox - Stoopid day! End now! says:
ok...

corayyy [ you lied to me but i'm older now, and i'm not buying baby.]    you'll never hurt me again says:
Fighting evil by moonlight, winning love by daylight. never running from a real fight SHE IS THE ONE NAMED SAILOR MOON!!!!!

Ledox - Stoopid day! End now! says:
LOL

Ledox - Stoopid day! End now! says:
ok?

Ledox - Stoopid day! End now! says:
well anyways

Ledox - Stoopid day! End now! says:
maybe there's a hidden episode lol ?

corayyy [ you lied to me but i'm older now, and i'm not buying baby.]    you'll never hurt me again says:
all this means nothing to you? Not even the fact that she will never turn her back on a friend, and that she is always there to defend. She is the one on whom we can depend DAREN!!!! she is the one named SAILOR MOON!!!!!!

Ledox - Stoopid day! End now! says:
or I watched the same episode over and over

Ledox - Stoopid day! End now! says:
:s
Ledox - Stoopid day! End now! says:
whatever lol

corayyy [ you lied to me but i'm older now, and i'm not buying baby.]    you'll never hurt me again says:
probably it took forever for them to actually release new episodes and eventually the series had to much gay stuff in it for them to edit out

Ledox - Stoopid day! End now! says:
you're gay

corayyy [ you lied to me but i'm older now, and i'm not buying baby.]    you'll never hurt me again says:
ecspecially the last season. 3 sailor scouts from a different solar system that can change their sexes! females in soilder form. males in human form complete with removeable breasts and attatchable penises. CAN U JUST IMAGINE THE ACTION FIGURES THESE FREAKS WOULD HAVE PRODUCED TO SCARE THE CHILDREN OF AMERICA!!!! removeable tittys????

corayyy [ you lied to me but i'm older now, and i'm not buying baby.]    you'll never hurt me again says:
im not even going to mention how sailor moon was all hot and heavy for Sailor Uranus.... until she realized that Uranus is not a pretty boy, she is a butch dyke!!!! and that green haired girl NEPTUNE!!! is not her cousin as the americans think. its her dyky lover

corayyy [ you lied to me but i'm older now, and i'm not buying baby.]    you'll never hurt me again says:
well i guess i did mention :P

Well it's been awhile since I've updated. Well lets see, the non smoking made me gain ten pounds, so I'm smoking again. I don't give a shit right now about it, because I'd rather be thin, until I can figure out a way to revamp my eating habits, then I'll quit. It wasn't hard to not smoke I just got super depressed because I was getting fat and couldn't stop eating. Not to mention the past two months have been rather exhausting and depressing. So many of my friends have been having so many problems lately, I almost feel guilty because for once in my life I can say, I'm Ok. The only thing that saddens me is that I can't make everything ok in everyone's life.

 

I've started to cut back on my partying ways. I've gotten rather bored of it. I don't go out to the bar as much, but when I don't Daren gets all mopey because he doesn't like to be alone. Ever. I want to save money so I can be able to further myself in life, and going out every weekend and getting trashed just doesn't help. It's just hard to change a routine because you get use to it.

 

Andrew came back into my life. His girlfriend broke up with him. I don't know exactly how I feel about it. I love having him around, I love talking to him on the phone. He tells me he's sorry about everything thats happened, but sometimes I worry that history will repeat itself. I can't handle being tossed aside like last weeks trash again. It hurt to much the first time. But as people we've grown and well he doesn't have a girlfriend thats jealous of our friendship in his life anymore. He was really depressed a few weeks ago but it seems like hes getting better, which is good, one less friend of mine to be so sad. Now to fix Daren, Fred, Erik, Nadia, Annie... the list could go on. My hearts out for all these people in hopes that they get out of their slumps and feel a bit better. It's the Christmas season for fuck sakes. Be happy and grab some hoe hoe hoes! :D

 

Corey